MAY, 2008---International Zone, IRAQ

Hi guys:

My Loving (and very strong) wife, Miranda wanted some pictures of me out here in the Baghdad, Iraq combat zone, so here's some pretty cool ones I thought I'd send to alot of people. Feel free to forward them to people you think would be interested on what's going on over here. I'm in the International Zone for the rest of the tour until late May. The IZ or "Green Zone" as we call it is where Saddam's Presidential Palace used to be located in Downtown Baghdad. We secured all of the palace structures, pools, and other multiple small mansions and turned them into mega workspaces for higher ranking military and contractors to do their work out of. Also several thousands line units, Military Police, and infantry soldiers are serviced in pockets here as well. My 3 person team services the psychosocial needs of soldiers and contractors in the International Zone via two mental health clinics and our prevention team that provides educational briefings provided to hundreds of soldiers every months on topics such as stress management, relaxation skills, sleep hygiene, positive thinking (cognitive behavioral strategies), goal setting, COMBAT STRESS MANAGEMENT, and many other exciting topics. All briefings are experiential, and participants walk away with new perspectives and a refreshed perspective.

The pictures are of some of my adventures thus far:

Before the Rocket attacks began on Easter day on this area things were fairly peaceful, with palm trees, paved streets, and my very own Mitsubishi Pajero SUV to drive around. Things changed quickly after the first few weeks of March as described below.

We're doing good things here too. In the first picture is me with my Army Medical Corp friends, Troy (being kissed) is an occupational therapist who found this 13 year old native Iraqi girl who is about 3 feet tall with congenital deformities. When we found her she was lying in a concrete home on the concrete floor with a bare rug over it, and could not walk nor prop up or feet herself. We gathered funds to purchase a wheelchair for her with a tray for her to sit at and be able to eat, read and even color while seated upright. The family was very grateful and we all had chai tea in the living room with this loving Iraqi family. Their father used to be an Iraqi soldier who became disabled when fighting against American forces during desert storm. The Iraqi children are very adorable.

I rolled out with civil affairs and assessed the status of mental health referrals from medical clinics in East Baghdad. Being with them I had to go locked and loaded with multiple weapons. The Iraqi children didn't mind though. This little 5 year old guy has seen a soldier in his neighborhood every day of his life since infancy. They ran up to me and high fived me, asking for candy or toys. I gave them candy and we had fun playing with the dog.

Then the rockets hit. On Easter Day I was in church service and the ground shook with the rockets impact. I was huddled in a bunker with about half a dozen full bird colonels. 10 hit that day and 10 averaged a day for the next 10-12 days. Over 186 rockets have hit in our 5 mile zone in the past two weeks, and we're safe as long as we were in hard structures or in bunkers. It's been very very quiet for the past several days. Probably because the third infantry division killed over 180 people in Basra and Sadr City where the rockets were being launced from. We know from within one city block EXACTLY where they're launched from into our zone via satellite infared tracking. Not too smart, but they launch all 10-12 of the day from the same building. At night Special Operations goes in and makes sure they never do it again. God has protected us. Even though I walked through the Valley of the Shadow of death, guess what? You got it, I feared no evil. God controls the winds that determine the trajectory of the rocket fired from a mile away. Enough said. None have come even close to where we've been, and we've been serving people with acute stress reactions all over the International Zone.

The pictures show my team over one rocket hole that hit in a parking lot across from the Presidential Palace (where the bad guys are ALL trying to hit but miss every time because they can't aim). We go there now to provide combat stress services to literal "refugees" living in the Palace (embassy) in homeless style fashion, a large palace looking like the U.S. Capitol Rotunda in parts with cots all up and down the hallways and domed perimeters. The architecture is beautiful with ornate carved Arbaic designs in pastel colors all over the ceilings. I'll take pictures if I can get the 48 hour picture pass.

The last is of a mural etched into marble by Saddam's party on one of the hundreds of smaller Palaces I found interesting. You'll see a large bomb falling from the sky and one has already detonated on the bottom with severed apendages and bodies flying and a woman attempting to pull her child away from the blast.

The Bomb has written on it, "USA". A foreign country's perception of us, etched during desert storm 15 years ago. Shortly after the picture was taken I heard a detonation as another mortar (flying bomb) impacted somewhere out there.

I'm looking forward to coming home, as things are peaceful leading up until are redeployment home.

It's been an unforgettable experience, but it's time to get back to the states. I've become submerged in relationships with poor infantry soldiers, war-torn and with soul, discipline, and commitment of solid gold. Multi-millionaire contractors who are just as war-torn. Relationships with colleagues who have come from all walks of American life to this place, as Psychological healers in a place of unexpected turns around every corner. I've helped the people of Iraq, and seen goodness and Love in their hearts. I guess Iraq is alot like the United States.. you've god some REALLY good people, and some REALLY bad people, and somehow living all together.
See you soon.

Your friend,

Chris

A Surprise Homecoming

When I came home... it was very very powerful.

http://www.wdef.com/news/ooltewah_soldier_homecoming_surprise_kids/05/2008

"He Who Stands Firm to the End"

Forward Operating Base Falcon
South Baghdad, Iraq
23 February 2008

For those who monitor this blog, you'll notice I haven't been able to write for close to a month. Working 72 hours a week will limit your free time. (Sadly, this number is not an exaggeration).

In late January, I learned from my command that I would be relocating to FOB Falcon in South Baghdad for a month. FOB Falcon houses the frontline infantry soldiers fighting in THE MOST WAR TORN region to the southeast of Baghdad. Shortly after arriving here one of the other mental health providers had to leave suddenly for Europe to address a medical situation. That left one other clinical social worker (Major R), and myself to address the mental health needs of a FOB of thousands of soldier and civilians. Since 5 FEB to the present day, I have conducted over 100 counseling sessions with soldiers. (Over 85 of them are 19-24 years old). The marital issues still are present, but pale in comparison to the acute stress reactions of these soldiers, and in some, chronic post traumatic stress reactions from deployments past. They've been hit with bombs, they've watched their buddies lose body parts to bombs, they've had flying molten copper bombs fly through their vehicles and destroying everyone but themselves leaving them covered with the blood and flesh of their comrades. Night terrors, flashbacks by day, insomnia, startle response, hyperalertness, sudden increases in anger and rage... they're experiencing it all, and taking these symptoms with such impressive stride and courage. Multiple black steel bands encircle one wrist of one of my young soldier clients. Each band, a lost life. Each band, a lost friend. One soldier has allowed the blood to dry onto the toe of one boot. He will not clean it off. It is a memory. That spot once a living piece of Brian, blood having carried the oxygen, the food, necessary for survival. "I look down and know that he is still with me in some way".

After working from 0800 to 2200 hrs, I walk home (an old Iraq soldier barracks) to what recently has been a full moon. I hear faint weapons fire in the distance, and cast a prayer up to God for safety and protection of these young men. I thank God for life... for vitality and the miracle of my unborn son, Ian. For my wife, and the precious blessing and inspiration she is daily. For the laughter and excited phone greetings and stories from my young daughters, Hannah and Grace.

I then have a choice. I can focus on the negative attitudes and cynical perspectives (as I many times hear incessantly from the 100 encounters recently with frontline soldiers coming from "outside the wire" every single day and night), and dwell upon what a Special Forces friend summizes, "the things that John Q. Public should NEVER ever know about", OR I can choose to focus on that which exemplifies hope. The future with my family. Reunion with friends. The hope, strategies, and homework challenges towards growth, recovery, and vitality I can give this one soldier within this one minute within this one hour that will bring them closer towards seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, that there is a brighter tomorrow, as long as they fight to grow and breathe and strive today. Tomorrow will be slightly brighter, until months of such tomorrow brings healing.

Suddenly, I am taken in by the constellations.. the same that my family and friends see back home. I can't hear the gunfire anymore by night, or the explosion of the mortars (flying bombs) we fire far outside the wall by day...
I am too busy embracing, instilling, embodying, and freeing that
beautiful
critical
absent of cynical
life-giving
pinnacle
of our
experience..
HeAlInG!
HOPE.

"You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. But he who stands firm to the end will be saved".
Matthew 24: 6, 13

The Love of the American People

I am astounded by the generosity and the Love of the American people.

It's been 7 weeks since I placed a small article on my blog appealing to those who may wish to donate the book Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, PhD. Perhaps only a few dozen people read the blog up until that point. How quickly I became aware of the power of lightning communication via the internet. Apparently family began sharing with friends who began sharing with more family and more friends. Suddenly books began arriving at the rate of 2-3 per day. A man in Waterford, Connecticut sent me in excess of 20 books all arriving within one day. My Aunt and Uncle in Dalton Georgia and my Aunt and Mother in Michigan sent us collectively over 25 books amongst them. My best friend Sgt. James Maddix's sister's MySpace friend and his Professional Motorcycle stunt group wrote an e-mail to the Gottman Institute and his team sponsored a book collection! Our unit Chaplain took the resources of the group along with the handouts to replicate the group at Balad Army/Air Force Base north of Baghdad to assist even more couples. A Chattanooga Times writer picked up on the story and wrote an article on the subject, linking the Greater Chattanooga area (our hometown) to my blog which appealed for more books! http://www.timesfreepress.com/news/2007/dec/23/Longdistance-relationships-strain-soldiers/ Heart-warming e-mails poured in from veterans from World Wars Past, Vietnam, Desert Storm, Operation Enduring Freedom (Afghanistan), and Iraqi Freedom. They told of their experiences in their long distance relationships and felt with every ounce of their being the journey our young soldier marriages are going through. Over 120 books have arrived to date. Over 60 couples have benefited from the exercise worksheets created, and each soldier and spouse given the book. Specialist Lindsey Gunning and myself have facilitated the groups for the past 7 weeks, and the final principle from the group, "Create Shared Meaning" was discussed. Each week, the soldiers in the group are given as well as e-mailed an exercise to supplements the reading. The spouses back home were e-mailed the exercises as well, and both in the relationship answered the questions and discussed the relationship enhancing material to aspire towards our goal of the "Emotionally Intelligent Couple".

Stories of couples drawing closer together and seeing a new horizon unfold in their relationship occured every week ,and spouses back home began e-mailing with stories of how they were seeing an increased sensitivity and attentiveness in their spouse and thanked those back home who donated the books. A special moment occured when during group discussion one day when a young male soldier announced, "My wife and I had a breakthrough.. we realized that what was lying behind all of our agitation was something kept inside of both of us that we weren't sharing with each other.... we were both afraid. Afraid of the future, afraid of what this third deployment was going to do to US. What we decided together was that WE could make US work.. and OUR Love could grow stronger by this. We became a team. Our Love will Overcome".

I resound my original call.... "Godspeed Army Marriages"... and thank the legions of Americans who are supporting our troops so vigorously from the states. No, America has not forgotten about the soldiers within this conflict. Many Americans don't support our troops being in Iraq, however they still support the troops still the same.

I think of a friend from the states who had expressed to me her views on nation's intense occupation in this country, but she sent a book and inscribed in a note attached, "Thank you for doing what you're doing. It's important work. Thank the soldiers too. Like I said before, no matter how any of us feel about the war, we support these men and women 100% and are very proud of them".

That's the spirit of America.

On Behalf of the Dozens of Couples who have asked me to pass this message along, I thank you for your enrichment of military marriages during this difficult time. You are appreciated and Loved. Your gift made a difference in the lives of two soldiers in Love.

Tina Heslip Tennessee From One Tennesseean to Another, Thanks!
Shalyn Schopp Laingsburg, Michigan Thanks for your Rockin' Supportiveness!
Michael Lane Ringgold, Georgia Thank you Michael.. our Southern Ally...
Aunt LeeAnn Heinert Kalamazoo, Michigan Thank you For Giving Ian His First Debut!
Alan & Rhonda Atkins Lansing, Michigan To an Army Marriage that has Triumphed...
Tracy Aichele Okemos, Michigan Home of the Spartans.. from Warriors Abroad
Nicole Krueger Lansing, Michigan Thank you For your Admirable Support...
Aimee Ragsdale Laingsburg, Michigan Thank you to the Wolfpack from MiddleEast
Aunt Beth Mullen Ringgold, Georgia Dreaming of Sailing from Iraq... Thank You.
David Gruben Waterford, Connecticut Thank You for an Incredibly Generous Gift...
Nancy St. Pierre North Royalton, Ohio Thank you Nancy from Iraq Marriages...
Lenette Sparacino Your Support and Love is Appreciated...
John Gottman Gottman Institute You Impact is More than you will ever know..
Belinda Gray Gottman Institute Your work impacts lives daily.. thank you..
Lee Donham http://www.americanwallofdeath.com/ Thank you for your service and support!

I would like to give a special thank you to Tom Lamers and Miranda Atkins.

Tom, your and Lindsey's pre-marital bliss was an energizing model for the group to aspire to as they rekindled the origins of their Love. Your Love is truly a forever Love.

Miranda, your beautiful and pure spirit, your cherishing me and Love and Compassion have filled me with Thanks and Joy and a passion for Life and expectation of the joys for our little Atkins family that lie ahead.
I pray that my Love for you has been infectious for the Love within these Army marriages. ;)

From a U.S. military Megabase on the Western Banks of Baghdad....

CPT Christopher Atkins, LCSW
785th Med Co. Combat Stress Control
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Camp Liberty, Iraq

p.s. Enjoy our final exercise from our first group ever below for YOUR enrichment. :)
Courtesy of John Gottman, Ph.D. Seven Principles for Making Making Marriage Work

Long Distance Relationships
Principle 7
Create Shared Meaning

Marriage isn’t just about raising kids, splitting chores, and making Love, it can also have a lot to do with sharing meaning together, an appreciation for the roles and goals that link you and lead you to understand what it means to be part of the family you have become. It’s developing a way of living together that brings both of your dreams together and honoring each other’s dreams even if you don’t share them.
The book brought up the point that a crucial goal of any marriage is to create conversations that encourage each person to talk honestly about his or her beliefs and convictions.
When you share your dreams with each other, and take the time to listen to each other’s dreams, it increases your friendship with one another.
There’s three things that can intensify sharing meaning with each other: rituals (traditions), roles, and goals.

Pick a few questions from one (or each) of the below areas and choose to each answer them separately.. then come together and share what you wrote, then discuss your responses together.
You will be presently surprised on what you may create together and greatly enhance your friendship and bond as a team.

Choose 3 questions from each exercise that stand out to you both in your relationship…

Exercise 1: Rituals

In the following exercise create your own ritual of connection by talking about what you want. Discuss what these traditions (or lack thereof) were like for you growing up, what the best times and the disasters were like for you. Then write down your tradition so you will know who is expected to do what and when. Make these traditions something you do regularly and can look forward to.

How do we or should be we eat together at dinner? What is the meaning of dinnertime? What was dinnertime like in each of our families growing up?

How should we part at the beginning of each day? What was this like in our families growing up? How should our reunions be?

How should bedtime be? What was it like in our families growing up? How do we want this time to be?
What is the meaning of the weekends? What were they like in our families growing up? What should they be like now?

What are our rituals about vacations? What were they like in our families growing up? What should they mean now?

Pick a meaningful holiday. What is the true meaning of this holiday to us? How should it be celebrated this year? How was it celebrated in each of our families growing up?

How do we each get refreshed and renewed? What is the meaning of these rituals?

What rituals do we have when someone is sick? What was this like in our families growing up? How should it be in our family?

Exercise 2: Your Roles in Your Life

The more you can talk to each other frankly about your deeply held views about your roles in life, the more you can decide what makes sense to your family.

How do you feel about your role as a husband or wife? What does this role mean to you in your life? How did your father or mother view this role? How are you similar or different? How would you like to change this role?

How do you feel about your role as a father or mother? What does this role mean to you in your life? How did your father or mother view this role? How are you similar and different? How would you like to change this role?

How do you feel about your role as a son or daughter? What does this role mean to you in your life? How did your father or mother view this role? How are you similar and different? How would you like to change this role?

How do you feel about your role as a worker (your occupation)? What does this role mean to you in your life? How did your father or mother view this role? How are you similar and different? How would you like to change this role?

How do you feel about your role as a friend to others? What does this role mean to you in your life? How did your father or mother view this role? How are you similar and different? How would you like to change this role?

How do you feel about your role in your community? What does this role mean to you in your life? How did your father or mother view this role? How are you similar and different? How would you like to change this role?

How do you balance these roles in your life?

Exercise 3: GOALS

“Part of what makes life meaningful are the goals we strive to achieve. While we all have some very practical goals like earning a certain income we also have deeper, more spiritual goals. For one person the goal may be to find peace and healing after an abusive childhood. For another it may be to raise children who are good-hearted and generous.
Many times we don’t talk about our deepest goals. Sometimes we haven’t even asked ourselves these questions. But when we start, it gives us the opportunity to explore something that can have a profound impact on ourselves and our marriage”.
Explore with your spouse the meaning of goals in your individual lives and your marriage. Ask yourselves the following questions.

Write a “mission statement” of what your mission in life is. What would you like it to say?

What goals do you have in life, for yourself, for your spouse, for your children? What do you want to accomplish in the next five to ten years?

What is one life dream that you want to fulfill before you die?

We often fill our time with things that demand our immediate attention—putting out fires, so to speak. But what are the truly important things in your life that are great sources of energy and pleasure that you really need to block out time for, the important things that keep getting postponed or crowded out?

What is the role of spirituality in your lives? What was this role in your families growing up? How should this be in your family?

Would you Like to Help an Army Marriage?

It's one thing to be reading a USA Today article on the rising divorce rates among servicemembers while in the Atlanta Airport waiting for the plane here. It's quite another to watch a 22 year old young man sob, soiled after a 14 hour night mission, after he's just been informed the divorce papers are waiting for him when he gets home to what used to be a happy, suburban family. I send up a silent prayer to God thanking him for the most precious woman I could've ever dreamed for.. Miranda Jean Atkins and especially for HER warrior spirit and HER intimacy, encouragement, thoughtfulness, and steadfastness during this time in our relationship.

For three days straight I hear the story surface in at least 14 male soldier's lives who came into the program for counseling... that of broken hearts. In one case, a good worker, a strong soldier, a man who loves his wife and three little boys, learns that the stressors of repeated combat tours has become too much for his wife. He is a Cavalry soldier... a rank with traditions ranging back to our Army fighting on horseback. "Stay Cav" is the motto of these dedicated and strongly trained soldiers. With tears in his eyes, he shares that in the past five years, he has only been home for 2 of them, split into three 7 months gaps which consisted of primarily ramping up for the next 12 month Iraq mission. He informs he doesn't even know his 1 1/2 year old, who was born one month before this deployment began. "She says she's fallen out of Love with me... but then that she's confused and doesn't know if we can have a future.. doesn't know if she can take this stress anymore". In another case, a more seasoned soldier finds now in the middle of his first deployment, his wife has wandered... and slept with another man. Though she wishes to stay with him, and expresses remorse, he doesn't know if he can do it... if he can go back to a tainted bed... to an unfaithful heart that he needed so desperately to Love with all of his heart at his lowest points as the Platoon Sergeant, leading 40 young men every night into enemy territory outside the wire. Now, with the weight of America's young men on his shoulders, and the broken heart in the aftermath of unfaithfulness, he trys to find hope in our words together. I challenge him to count his blessings, to reframe the situation, change his perception, stay active and involved in self-care, combat the depression and negative thoughts.... the same drill of cognitive behavioral strategies I have begun to use over and over and over with these young men, as my Psychiatrist colleagues work with them in a Pharmacological manner.. something, anything to take the edge off. In some of their cases, not even interventions like ours involving physical and cognitive gymnastics will be able to alleviate the natural depression of losing the love of your life.

Four days go by. 20 cases involving marital issues and pending divorces. Coincidentally, almost every single soldier informs me in haunting repetition of one another.. "I've served my time. I'm not re-enlisting. It's time for me to get back to being a father to my children. Goodbye Army". "The Army is My Job... by it's not my life. I've been here four times already and personally, that's three times too many", a 23 year old infantry soldier informs me, after sharing that something bad happened last week. He shot and killed an Iraqi "insurgent". He looks barely 18, and definitely not old enough to have spent 4 of his young years in a middle eastern combat zone.

I do a quick search outside of this pressure cooker of an alternate universe to see what I can find as an explanation for it all.

"Defense Department officials in 2005 had announced a huge jump in the divorce rate, saying cases doubled from 5,658 to 10,477 between 2001 and 2004 among active-duty Army officers and enlisted personnel. "

"Army officials reported 10,477 divorces among the active-duty force in fiscal 2004, a number that's climbed steadily over the past five years. In fiscal 2003, the Army reported fewer than 7,500 divorces; in 2002, just over 7,000, and in 2001, about 5,600. "

Numbers, numbers, numbers. Well, it's 2007 now in Iraq, and I've just learned something horrific. A young man at our base has just pulled the trigger of his 9mm while holding it to his temple, after learning his wife had multiple affairs during his first very intense combat tour.
No Divorce certificate available to track. Suicide statistics for soldiers in Iraq in 2007 just rose by one. For me, knowing the dynamics of the case... a 3 year old little girl just lost her daddy.

Last straw... time to do something about it.

Since I've not the power to end this conflict, reduce troop numbers, or to reduce deployment times (which were just increased from 12 to 15 months for all active duty soldiers), I, instead am beginning a "Long Distance Relationships" group. If these soldiers can begin connecting emotionally with their spouse from afar in month 1.. my prayer is that they will be able to maintain intimacy, communication, active listening, empathy, and commtiment from afar in months, 6, 12, and hopefully by month 15... return to one another's arms having been refined by the fire. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, however this place can potentially have a reverse effect unless a relationship is worked on. Deployments can make the heart wander.

I turn to the work of Dr. John Gottman, marital researcher out of the University of Washington, and find the book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide. That's exactly what these young couple's need preventatively BEFORE the explosive break-up... principles, and a practical guide! John Gottman has revolutionized the study of marriage by using rigorous scientific procedures to observe the habits of married couples in unprecedented detail over many years. Here is the culmination of his life's work: the seven principles that guide couples on the path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. Packed with practical questionnaires and exercises, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential.

I've designed a group for the soldiers here. Tuesday, December 11 will be our first meeting. It's a discussion group, called "Long Distance Relationships". In this 7 week group, we will go over Gottman's 7 principles in the book together with these soldiers. Principles like "Nurture your Fondness and Admiration", and "Turn Towards Each Other...not away". It IS possible to turn towards one's spouse.. even if they are a half a world apart. Their spouses, at home, also having a copy of the book, will go over the same information, and together, from afar, complete the relationship building activities for emotional connectedness.

The problem is, as you may guess, we need more books.

If you would like to partner in helping soldiers and their spouses connect with one another as we enter the new year.. and in the process possibly help save a marriage, here's your opportunity.

The book can be purchased new at $10.17 or used at around $6-$7 at
http://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797

Please mail one (or as many copies as you can afford this Christmas) to:

CPT Chris Atkins
785th MC CSC
APO AE 09344


Meanwhile, my thoughts drift to my loving wife, as she is sick in bed at 3:15 a.m. her time, hopefully quietly sleeping. When she awakes, she has no help from me. She must take the children to school, carry heavy loads of laundry up the stairs while several months pregnant, take them to their multiple activities of piano, gymnastics, and other fun activities as she keeps them busy so their minds and hearts don't wander too much and allow a child's pain in missing their daddy half a world away. All the while, sending me regular love letters, a stocking for Christmas with presents crisply wrapped, and even sandals to replace my broken ones having been broken down by these rocks. She turns towards our relationship and not away, she nurtures me with fondness, she knows my Love language. She is proud of me, and expresses it. I pray that I may meet her needs in every way from this forsaken place.

I cling to her words for they provide hope, and in crashing reality I see how these young men contemplate suicide. In a place of such pain... Love is the only remnant for peace and hope.

Thank you, Sweetheart from your Soldier in Iraq. You give me such hope.

I will now share it.

Long Distance Relationships Discussion Group
December 11, 2007
1900 hrs
Camp Liberty Combat Stress Clinic
Girl Scout Cookies and Coffee are on us...

Godspeed, Soldier Marriages.

Godspeed.

Uncomfortable Christianity

It's funny how we are here.





I look back to my earlier posts after I first arrived in this place a month ago. In awe at the war machines and the horrific tragedies these men have endured, and the eminent risk of the demise of my patients and myself following several recent rocket attacks, and the delivery the Lord has made in my life.. I clung to God in my writings, knowing that he had a plan, and closely walked with him... praising him daily and delved into the word for answers. Then something happened.





I have grown quite comfortable with my surroundings.





There hasn't been a mortar or rocket attack for weeks. Several thousand soldiers have moved out of our area, and a new group of several thousand infantry soldiers, having just arrived are settling into their new work buildings and trailer living areas, and have yet to feel the stressful effects of battle and separation from family... so for many hours of the day the combat stress clinic is empty. Halliburton's KBR continues to serve divine cuisine at the contracted $25 a plate gladly paid for by the Department of Defense. We like to say, "I'm worth it". 5 buffet lines to be exact.. if it was your fare you could select from Alaskan Crab, shrimp cocktail, fish, Eggplant Parmesan, every vegetable imaginable, eggrolls, crepes, build your own omelet, or perhaps some Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream? Your portions are huge, and if you so choose you can take 3 to to-go plates with you and two drinks with each to-go plate! There are Christians at my clinic, and as if together, they too have slowly moved from a reverant awe and praiseful appreciation to a very comfortable, fat, happy, selfish place. Bank accounts are healthfully growing, as are safety, tummies, and friendships. These are all good things, or are they? Prayer and Bible study moved to daily conversations with God as I walked to work and looked heavenword, to the last two days, when I realized with a startle I hadn't spoke with God much at all. It happened with a startling realization.





I return from the latrine, walking on the large, loose, stones which form walkways around our trailers. I have become quite use to them as if all walkways around dwellings should be made of large loose stones that you must slosh through as if deep northern snow, as if all dwellings should be 10 by 15 foot trailers with two beds, each with a metal wall locker. Quite comfortably normal really, when it's the habit of your life.





I am blinded by a light above almost before I hear the thundering sounds resonating through the sky. Two blackhawks not more than 50 feet up, with floodlights pointed directly to the ground roar overhead and scare me literally half to death. They are en route to a mission... and in the distance towards the city of Baghdad I cast my eyes expectantly at what I know will come next... flares. Ground troops signal in their red and blue flares their position. As chu-chu-chu-chu of the blades fades quickly towards the enemy my eyes stay fixed on the sky. There is literally a halo around the moon.

I silently thank the Lord for safety and life and the Love of my beautiful wife and daughters and friends, and well-being....and at that moment I hear God's voice. He is saying... "I'm here... I'm always here... waiting for you to spend this intimate, personal time talking, growing, learning". I carry on conversation with God... standing, staring straight up at the moon, on a rock laden alley, those 12 foot tall monolith stone barriers on either side. I feel the patience and Love of our Savior.. the same patience and Love he showed so many in his word who first praised following a crisis... and then slowly (or quickly) wandered. Just. As. I. Had. Done. Instantly images of Mosees and the children of Israel come to my mind's eye, and suddenly the behavior of me and my fellow Christian soldier colleagues all seems quite familiar.

In Exodus 14 the children walk across the bottom of the Red Sea as the water towers on either side of them, held back by the hand of God. They then watch their former captors and slaveowners of the Egyptians Perish in that same sea as the waters are dropped by the hand of God.

Exodus 15:
1 Then Moses and the Israelites sang this song to the LORD : "I will sing to the LORD, for he is highly exalted. The horse and its rider he has hurled into the sea.
2 The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him.

"The Lord is my strength".. they cry. I distinctly remember shouting those words, too, one month ago when I arrived to this new middle east land too, immediately clinging to the Lord.

How quickly the Isrealites wander. How quickly I did wander. How quickly we all seem to step away from the ever powerful presence of our God, and suddenly we're not clinging to God as much anymore we begin clinging...................to ourselves. It took me only 3 weeks. Maybe due to the Israelites having seen a couple hundred thousand gallons of water suspended in mid-air, it took them 6, but nonetheless they do it.

Exodus 16:
1 The whole Israelite community set out from Elim and came to the Desert of Sin, which is between Elim and Sinai, on the fifteenth day of the second month after they had come out of Egypt. 2 In the desert the whole community grumbled against Moses and Aaron. 3 The Israelites said to them, "If only we had died by the LORD's hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death."

They had seen the wonders of God unleashed in that place they were slaves.. their firstborn had been saved at the Passover by the blood of the lamb from certain death, and they and their families once again delivered through the water... but now they have set aside God's promises, his glory, and goodness and wish now they would've died there because they don't have any food. Surely a God who is faithful to move the elements of the Universe in their favor can send over some food should they reach up to him in faith! But so quickly we forget the powerful hand of God and what dark valleys of our lives he has helped us through only to lead us to a glorious mountain top on the other side.

What happens next to the Isrealites is what I suddenly realize has just happened to me. Though I wandered from his side... the Lord quickly filled me.. connected with me... met my needs and sends me a glorious sign of his Love... a halo around a moon and a still small voice.
The Lord goes above and beyond for the Israelites too.... he rains down tasty Quail meat at night... and honey wafer tasting Manna to cover the ground in the morning!

God wants us by his side every step of the way. And just when we think we want to step out on our own and complain or take things into our own hands without involving him as our best friend and guide...... all we must do is, like the Israelites, remember our chains, where we came from (in slavery), and know that it is because of God that we have come to the place of freedom, hope, and joy that we can live in now with him.

The final warning to us in the last book of Revelation is clear....

We must listen closely... for he is talking to US.

Revelation 3: 14-22

"To the angel of the church in Laodicea write: These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God's creation. I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me. To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches."

It's time to start getting into a little uncomfortable Christianity. To cling to Christ when we want to cling to ourselves... to walk at his pace when we want to run blindly at ours, grumble against him... when we should be humbly and faithfully coming before him.

And suddenly... we're embraced by his Loving arms.

Half my Heart's Back in Tennessee

I always tell the soldiers I work with at the combat stress clinic that whatever they're going through that they've got to get it out... draw it out, talk it out, run it out, or write it out.

One day last week I was really really missing my wife.. really missing actively being a husband for her. I decided to take my own advice... practice what I preach as it were. Pretty soon a song was born called Half my Heart's Back in Tennessee. Check out the lyrics below... and then the link to the Music Video filmed in front of General Petreus' Palace is below via YouTube.

Hope you Enjoy....

Half my Heart’s Back in Tennessee
By CPT Christopher Atkins
Camp Victory, Iraq
Recorded 10 NOV 2007


Dust Kicking Up, Soldiers Mount Up

Getting Ready for the Battle Tonight

Been Here Three Weeks in Iraq

Missing Your Sweet Touch and Holding you Tight


Walking with my Battle Buddies Smile on my Face

Thinkin’ About our Baby Growing Inside you Now

Little Gracie's 5 now, Silly Hannah's 8

Hope I'm Home in Time to Hold that Newborn in my Arms


I'm Serving Here in the Middle East

But Half my Heart’s Back in Tennessee

Sending all of my Love to you through the Starry Night

'Til I Feel Your Arms Wrap Around Me


Right Before I Close my Eyes at Night

I Hear the Soldiers Roll Out in Humvees

But I Know that I’m Comin’ Home Safe to You

And Our Two Hearts Will Be Made Complete


As I write these lines I send up a Prayer

That the Good Lord will Hold you Tight

Until I fly Home to my Beautiful Bride

So I can hold you, protect you, put my arms around you for the rest of our lives



I'm Serving Here in the Middle East

But Half my Heart’s Back in Tennessee

Sending all of my Love to you through the Starry Night

'Til I Feel Your Arms Wrap Around Me


Baghdad, Iraq

One More Bomb Attack

On Soldiers Going Outside the Wire

But You and Me Stand Strong

We Just Cannot Go Wrong

Cuz We've Been Tried through the Fire


I'm Serving Here in the Middle East

But Half my Heart’s Back in Tennessee

Sending all of my Love to you through the Starry Night

'Til I Feel Your Arms Wrap Around Me

Can't Wait to Hold our New Baby

I’m Forever Yours Faithfully

Bringing my Heart Back to You… in Tennessee

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnc0doHKJdE