He Lay Down His Life... Godspeed

Camp Liberty, Iraq

My eyes flutter open. A dream involving an ocean, my wife and girls, and an incredibly large, expensive yacht slowly fades as my eyes adjust to the dusty, brown paneling on the wall to my right. Oh yes...

the brown paneling

in the 10 by 14 two man trailer room

encased within the 10 foot tall stone monolith barricades

surrounded by walkways of large rounded rock

across the street from the 10 soldier Combat Stress Liberty "Fitness" clinic

within the 50,000 soldier United States Army Camp Liberty

on the western banks of the Baghdad metropolis

Iraq

There will be no family time on an ocean yacht today, though my heart aches to wrap my arms around the warmth of my girls, wife, Miranda, and daughters Hannah, 8, and Gracie 5, a mission awaits.

I'm walking to work with my Psychiatrist and Psychologist colleagues to address some of the most intense client psychological reactions to stress than I have witnessed in my career as a mental health provider, that of soldiers returning from "crossing the wire", and journeying into a 360 degree battlefield. That coffee can turned towards their HUMMWV on those steps to the right may not contain coffee. It may instead have been packed with C4 by the determined hands of an extremist operative, with the opening capped with a concave piece of forged metal such as copper, creating an EFP (Explosively Formed Penetrator) after detonation. The copper, once propelled becomes a liquid bullet, able to penetrate their vehicle, their armor... themselves.

I meet up with Private Stevens (pseudonym) at the clinic. He appears to be a high school senior, and in fact was just five months ago. Private Stevens has brown hair, ruddy good looks, and a solid frame. He, like many here, is an infantryman... but something is amiss. He extends his hand to greet me respectfully. "Hello sir, I'm here to talk about some things that happened to me". His words are forming, but the left side of his mouth, and much of the inner half of his cheek muscles are not moving. He continues, "I was in the rocket blast, Sir", the one that hit two weeks ago at the DFAC?", he summarizes matter of factly. Not wanting to stop the momentum of his story only to inform I had arrived a mere 5 days ago, I nod interestingly for him to continue. We sit together. "I just remember the flash... and... it knocked me off of my feet backwards onto the ground". I saw stars, and heard ringing, I remember that, but I wouldn't let it stop me. It's not the way I was raised, Sir, just to lie down and die, because I saw all those fallen wounded around me. I stood up to it. Like my dad would. Like grandad would. I helped the wounded like I was taught, Sir. I helped them have a change at life". As he spoke, a far off look appeared in his eyes. "Suddenly, I knew then that something was wrong with me. Something was very wrong". PVT Stevens would find after evaluation that he suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), a mild concussion, something more and more common in soldiers within this conflict finding themselves face to face with explosions. Within my own mind, I imagine this soldier with a mild concussion, shaking off the stars and screeching shrils in his ears... grabbing his issued first aid kit, and tending to the physical wounds of those who lay around him. I remember having just read of the mid-October rocket attack on Camp Victory just across the Bridge and over the lake which my "PAD" or block of trailers and barricades sat.

The Associated Press BAGHDAD Oct 11, 2007 (AP)
A rocket or mortar attack on the main U.S. base near Baghdad killed two members of the U.S.-led coalition forces and wounded 40 people, the military said Thursday.
The attack occurred Wednesday at the Camp Victory, a sprawling garrison that houses the headquarters of American forces in Iraq, according to a statement.
Two coalition force members were killed and 38 wounded, the military said. It also said two "third country nationals" were wounded. It did not identity them further, but military spokesman Lt. Col. Rudolph Burwell said the term usually refers to foreign contractors and not Iraqis or Americans.
The attack is under investigation, the statement said.
Most troops stationed at Camp Victory are American but other coalition soldiers are based at the complex near Baghdad International Airport. No further details on the attack were immediately released.
Camp Victory and other U.S. bases in Iraq have frequently come under fire, but attacks with such a large number of casualties are rare.

As I sit with Stevens, I imagine that I have taken a giant microscope to one of the news stories that we as Americans are so inundated with during this conflict "13 soldiers die in weekend IED attacks in Mosul province", "24 soldiers ambushed by insurgent gunfire in Ramadi".

Here with me, more than just "Oct. 11 Camp Victory mortar attack wounds 40", is Sergeant Stevens, one of the 40 wounded, one of the many selfless, courageous, respectful, and DUTIFUL soldiers I have met in the past five years serving as a combat stress officer. I grow frustrated within me at the media for the big picture death tolls... for the stories they've chosen not to print... "Today's Hero, PVT Stevens, fights falling unconscious, clinging to the wisdom of his patriarchs, risking eminent death from a second rocket, to care for his wounded fallen comrades". More at 11. Rather than spread fear and sadness through the reporting of death tolls and pending attacks, zooming in on the details of stories like PVT Stevens would allow for the reader to experience the raw emotions of hope, admiration, love, and even tears of joy for the strength and perserverence of the human spirit.

After this long day, at 1700, it is dusk. I make my way towards PAD 11, across the dusty road of Camp Liberty, waiting with reverant patience as 5 armored HUMMWV's (HUM-vees) pass filled each with 5 18 year old privates. Four seated beneath, one gunner stands above, his head extended just above the top hatch, behind his M2 .50 caliber machine gun. Several young faces turn to me, this lone medical officer, as they prepare to "cross the wire", into the unknown... their night mission. One boyish man not more than 18, through the small bullet proof glass window of his 300 pound HUMMWV door nods a respectful nod in my direction, his eyes wide with expectation, fear, adrenaline? I return the nod... displaying the mutual connectiveness that we are two soldiers sharing a common experience in an alternate reality we may never fully understand, but have grown to accept the inevitability of our place within it. I watch the dust trail from his vehicle as it nears the north exit gate bordering the city streets where urban warfare is waged. "Godspeed", I whisper under my breath in their direction.

"Godspeed".

The verse comes to me easily... for it evidenced by every young soul that walks briskly kicking up dust in this place... the largest Forward Operating Base in the world... Camp Liberty and Camp Victory.

12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. 14You are my friends if you do what I command.

John 15:12-14 (New International Version)

No wonder heroes like these men strike a chord of warmth, joy, and peace... it is reminscent of the sacrifice and selflessness and courage of another friend.. another who gave his life so others may live, too, when he, like Stevens was hurting, and scared, but yet pulled himself up to the cross.

His name is Jesus.

I pray this prayer tonight...

May the angels protect you, young men and women, as you go out tonight in the spirit of your maker. May you not be one of the 135,374 lives lost, but one of the hundreds and thousands of faces that triumph over this time of adversity with a story to tell, and a song to sing. Godspeed.

CPT Atkins

Camp Liberty

Iraq